Luch Time = Nappy Time

I got a new chair at work a couple of weeks ago. It’s a pretty nice chair. It has a high back on it (not as high as the CEO chair, my would have taken that as a direct challenge) and it leans back nice and far. I usually keep it in a fairly up right position to promote good posture, however, I’ve fallen into this nice routine at lunch involving the full tilt function. In the past, I’ve been a go out to lunch kind of guy. Lately though, I’ve found that I hate spending money for shitty food and I always have to eat with people and I’m just not that fond of that. So I’ve been bringing lunch lately and a book. After eating and reading for about forty minutes my eyes get a little heavy, so I put the book down, take off my glasses and kick back in my nice high-backed chair and take a little snooze. I’ve found that I have to turn off the alt rock station and put it to the classic rock station as the more aggressive drumming of the Foo Fighters or White Stripes isn’t conducive to sleeping. So I drift off with to a little "horse with no name" or "instant karma" and even dream a bit. Today, I was dreaming about courage, because I am reading a chapter in a book (If I Die in a Combat Zone -{Box Me Up and Ship Me Home} By Tim O’Brien), nothing specific, just a dialogue in my mind about courage, that I get to listen to like a radio show. It’s nice to fall asleep enough at work to wake myself up snoring and realize, due to the smell of my office, that I’ve also been farting. I secretly hope that my co-workers hear both through my closed door. It’s a magical little paradise that I’ve created in my office over the lunch hour. I wake up feeling groggy, yet rested and I am ready to go on with my day and face the meaninglessness that is my work life. Today, I’m hiring a replacement for my little sister, whom we recently fired. I’m thinking of bringing in a little blanket, like an air plane blanket and keeping it a drawer near my book to really make my naps feel special. I guess that’s it.
This is quite possibly the most pointless thing I have ever posted, so I will say this; There is a lot of wealth in this country, and the vast majority of it is held by very few people even though it is the majority that creates the opportunity for that wealth to be held by those few. Seems like they owe the masses something, doesn’t it?

My Miserable Existence

First work shit of the new year. I love shitting at work. I’m getting paid to drop a deuce. The only thing that could make it better would be if I had a stack of comics in there. So naturally, as I go through my yearly acknowledgment of my first drive to work of ‘08 or my first cup of coffee of ‘08; I was excited to take my first paid shit of 2008. I’ve learned to be cautious when approaching the bathroom over the last few years, because we hired someone who I’m sure is borderline retarded and has the need to smear poop all over random things in the bathroom. I am serious and not joking. Bob, the guy who lives in the office next to mine and is a complete and utter moron, must have had the same idea as me cause when I walked into the bathroom I was met by a nice fresh shit smear across the toilet seat. I’m sad to admit that the first thing that I thought was, "well he’s old and kind of fat and hopefully he’ll be dead by next year." I don’t know what’s the saddest part, that I wished some one dead or that in that statement I admitted that I will probably be here next year.
Now I get to send an email to a 60 year old man, asking him to please learn how to shit and or wipe his ass without getting shit on the toilet seat. The only good part about that is, that I am going to cc it to the other two members of management. I don’t know why, but that makes me feel better about it all.